1 in 4

One in four pregnancies end in pregnancy loss. That's 25 % of all pregnancies. That seems like a lot to me. You would think with that statistic, more people would talk about it, but I feel like a lot of individuals and/or couples suffer in silence. This is one reason why I wanted to share my story. I felt alone at first, like I couldn't really talk to anyone. I know some friends who become pregnant and mentioned they were having a "rainbow baby" in their announcement. (A rainbow baby is a healthy baby after a loss). I would instantly feel sad for them. Since I found out from social media, I didn't know if they wanted to talk about it and quite frankly I was a little scared to ask. While I wanted to chat with someone who had been thru it, I didn't want to come off as being nosey or bring up a topic they didn't want to talk about, so I stayed quiet. That being said, I am ready to share my story and am open for anyone who wants to talk as well.

The story is below in the video, but I'll give some background and a quick summary of what happened. This past April, we had hit a year of trying for a baby. The rule of thumb is if your under 35, try for a year and if you aren't pregnant by then, talk to your Doctor. My doctor referred me to a RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or Fertility Doctor. They were backed up and booked up until November. Part of me was ok with the wait, as it meant we had more time to get pregnant on our own. The other part of me was disappointed. Heaven forbid something was wrong, and I have to wait months to figure it out. Well we moved forward, continuing to do what we do. LoL. Late August rolled around and my cycle was late. Actually almost 2 weeks late, but I was busy and stressed around then so didn't think anything of it. I took a test, and what do you know, pregnant! My husband's birthday was the following week, so I decided to not tell him right away and to surprise him on his birthday. But a few days later, I started spotting. I went to an OBGYN urgent care where they did some tests and told me to come back in 48 hrs. I went back and had blood drawn again. By this time, bleeding got a little heavier with more cramping. I told my husband that night that I was pregnant, however I had a bad feeling that I was having a miscarriage and I would know in the morning. In the morning I got the call from my doctor that my levels were indeed dropping and I was having a miscarriage. That night and the next few days I was very sad. I had finally gotten pregnant and this is how it ended? Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault? Was it bad timing? So many thoughts went in and out my head and I was a little depressed for awhile.

A few days after it happened, my husband bought me a book called "Held" by Abbey Wedgeworth. It contains 31 biblical reflections, with room for you to journal your thoughts down. It was very helpful and I enjoyed it! I was beginning to feel a little better about the whole situation.

Last month was Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness month, and I thought I was going to share then. Every day I went to type a caption, but something stopped me. I wasn't quite ready yet. After about 2-3 weeks of keeping it myself, except for one friend knowing, we had dinner with a close couple friend of ours. They knew we were trying and when my girlfriend asked how things were going so I went ahead and said the truth. We finally got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. My friend took me in the other room and prayed over me. We talked and she encouraged me to share my testimony, as it may help someone else. Little by little, I began to share with here and there. The more I would share with a family member or a friend, the lighter the load felt. Talking about it helped me; especially with those who experienced something similar.

Another reason why I want to share is because I don't want to live in fear withmy next pregnancy. I want to be able to share the news when I'm ready. I know naturally I'll be nervous after going thru this, but I don't want this unfortunate event lingering over my head and stop me from rejoicing when I do have good news.

I hope my story helps someone. I am sharing because I felt alone at first. Silence did not work for me. Miscarriage isn't taboo and we can talk about it, if we want to. I am not telling anyone who to grief, but just saying if you don't want to share, there are lots of resources out here to help. It doesn't matter how far along you are in your pregnancy; if it was planned or unplanned- a loss is a loss. If you've experienced a miscarriage, I want you to know you are not alone and you can still go on to have a healthy pregnancy.